Carver: Past Lies (Adair Empire Book 5) Read online

  “Fucking look at her!” Castiel yells directly in my ear. Hands on my face, he wrenches my head to the side to comprehend Meadow’s fear. Tears cascade down her cheeks like a waterfall. Beautiful, full of grace and pain.

  “Fear?” I croak as I stand, dismissing the culmination of my wrath. “Of me?” I drop to my knees in front of my girl, and she flinches. Sorrow reflects back at me, and when I reach out to touch her cheek, I see the blood. So much blood.

  To Meadow, I’m now the monster.

  The very thing she fears most in the world.

  Meadow

  Everything happens so quickly. Shattering glass. Bodies flying. Screaming. I struggle to take it all in.

  The one thing that penetrates my confusion is the thunderous roar emitted from Carver as he takes Thomas to the ground. As each one of his knife strikes penetrates the man’s flesh. Blood squirts out in a rainbow-like fashion, soaking him, puddling on the floor underneath them.

  For the first time since meeting Carver, I feel true fear. I’m introduced to the man the rest of the world sees. The one the rumors have been spread far and wide about being the devil himself.

  My roommate, Danika Vashchenko, she calls him the boogeyman. He’s the man, the myth, the monster. Her family even steers clear of him, and I know they’re part of the same life as Lilith. Fear isn’t something they show easily or publicly.

  “Carver,” I call softly, needing him to stop. No more violence. I simply can’t handle it.

  “Fuck sakes, Carver, stop!” King says trying to pull him off Thomas. One of the other men is standing near the one who rang the doorbell. Blood flows from a wound in his side, and from what I can tell, he’s losing it quickly.

  “Carver, please, help me.” I’m still tied to the chair by my hands and legs. When my voice penetrates his mind, all movement stops in the same fashion a tornado touches down and then leaves.

  Flinching as Carver drops to his knees, I can see the rage continuing to seethe beneath the surface. He could have kept going. Wants to even. “Fear?” He seems genuinely hurt that I would be afraid of him. “From me?”

  “Can we leave? Please, can we just go? I want to go.” My body begins to shake as shock takes over and works through me. It’s only been a number of hours, but I’ve been through so much, and I just want to be home. My home.

  Except, these men ruined my home.

  Without thought or care, they took everything. All so she could have closure. That’s what Dad called it. He said he had to confess so she could move on. So Lilith could live her life.

  “What about my life?” I hiss the words out through clenched teeth, anger taking a firm hold as my binds are loosened.

  “What?” The dark-haired man supporting the fallen one asks.

  “My life!” I snap. “What about my life?” King tilts his head towards mine. Understanding in his gaze. “You did it for her, but what about me?”

  “Careful, now,” Luther—I know him, too—warns.

  “No.” I shake my head as aggressively as my body is while I try to stand. “You ruined everything. You took everything away.”

  Someone else attempts to say something when King holds up a hand. “Luther, Atticus, take Thomas to the dungeon.” They nod at the command. “Dimitri”—he looks to the man on the ground—“get him to the hospital.”

  “Like I’d fucking leave him,” Dimitri barks back as he picks the man up. He looks back to me, “Don’t be a bitch. My brother was here to help you. Show some fucking gratitude.” I see pain in his eyes and shame struggles to filter through me, but I hold true to my own.

  Carver is still kneeling before me, and I think his presence is the reason I’m even able to stand.

  “Do not”—King’s voice is menacing—“mistake your sister’s affections for mine, little girl. We are here only because of her.”

  “I know that. I know you don’t give a crap about me. You’re here because she warms your bed at night.”

  A warm hand on the back of my neck stifles my words as Carver stands to his full height, over six feet tall. “You may be mine, but your life is his, Meadow-mine. Be wise in your words.”

  “In part, yes.” King confirms my statement. “Carver has also laid claim to you. Lilith has given her blessing.” I frown, not understanding his meaning even as Carver crowds my body. One hand tucks into my long blonde hair, the other holds my hip as his front presses to my chest.

  The feel of his body against mine, cocooning me in his strength, melts away the fear I’m feeling as my anger fizzles into a cold death at our feet. “I’m sorry.” My words are whispered as Carver pulls my head to his chest.

  “King’s gone,” the man before me mutters into my hair. “But he’s not wrong.” I go to speak, but he begins again. “And neither are you. If not for Lilith’s need of closure, to ruin David, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have been hurt or in my arms. You’d be safe at Duke with a life full of friends.”

  I don’t know how much of what he says would be correct.

  “I’d have never found you. Never felt my heart beat with lust for a woman instead of blood. I’d have never known what you feel like in my arms when you’re scared.” His mouth trails along my forehead, pressing small kisses to my overheated flesh. “Or what you’ll feel like when you come apart.” He moves down to my cheek, across my jaw. Leaving a warm trail with his tongue as he goes. “I’d never know that you taste of peach jam when I kiss you.”

  His lips lay claim to me. Taking, devouring, owning. I’ve never been kissed before. Not like this. He seizes everything I have and demands even more. He’s hard and insistent in his exploration, no different than anything else he does. I like the way he takes control, tangles our tongues roughly, bites my lower lip so my mouth opens further from the gasp he extracts.

  Carver…

  Carver…

  Carver…

  He’s an addiction I’m not sure I can give up. No matter how much he scares me.

  3

  Meadow

  He told her. From the look on Lilith’s face, I know that King told her of my breakdown. The pain and anger I’ve been holding in. The fright that has yet to leave me from the first moment I realized what was happening.

  My life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. When it was just Mom and me, things were hard. I may not remember much, but I can picture the crappy apartment building in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city. I remember the fear at night of gunshots and break-ins while Mom worked at the diner down the street and left me in the care of our older neighbor. The woman didn’t even like me; she just wanted to make a few quick bucks.

  When Mom would come home, she would stuff a chair under the doorknob because the flimsy locks wouldn’t stop a cat from getting past. Thomas abducting me, promising vile things in retribution didn’t scare me half as much as my eight-year-old self was in that apartment alone.

  The frenzy of fury I saw swirling in Carver’s gaze as he attacked McCray surpassed anything I’ve experienced before. And yet, it doesn’t. I don’t know how to explain what he makes me feels. I’m not afraid he’ll hurt me; I’m afraid he’ll hurt because of me. His demise isn’t something I can live with in this lifetime.

  “How’s Daniel?” Lilith asks the room as a whole instead of addressing her anger towards me.

  “He’s in surgery. Thomas’ knife went through a kidney. Dimitri is with him,” Atticus explains, and I feel bad for the man. When Thomas opened the door for Daniel, our eyes met for a brief moment, and unlike any of these men, there was life in his. I could feel his worry for me.

  The room falls silent as each man trickles out with an austere look from King. Carver doesn’t budge from his stance behind me. My feelings are at war with what I want and what I feel like I should be feeling. I should be filled with fear, but I’m not. Though, after a few moments of complete silence, my nerves do begin to get the best of me and my legs start to shake as I feel all eyes on me.

  Lilith stands, straightenin
g her dress over her slightly swollen belly and walks over to me. Sitting down, she cradles my hands in her own. “Meadow”—her voice is soft like a mother soothing her child—“I hate that we’ve kept you away, that you feel like I don’t love you.” I can’t deny it. “I know what it’s like, how he gets in your mind.”

  I shake my head. It wasn’t Thomas that got to me, it was my own thoughts and feelings that broke me down. “It wasn’t him.”

  As her head tilts, her blonde hair slides to the side, covering our hands. “Not for what you feel, no. But he didn’t help matters any.” She takes a breath and closes her eyes, and that’s when I see it. Her own sorrow and distress…for me. “I admit, at first, I was so angry at you. I hated you. You had everything I was supposed to have. You had a loving father and mother, and I had nothing. For so long, I was nothing. I regret that I let my resentment towards you build to the heights it did so quickly because it prevented us from getting to know one another.”

  “It was only good because of him. I know you want me to hate him the same way you do, but I can’t. David freed us from hell and gave me a chance. He’s the reason I’m going to Duke.” I can be angry with him, but hate isn’t something I’m sure I can feel.

  I feel Carver’s strong hand stroke down my hair as he plays with my curly locks. “I wish I could take it back, Meadow, I truly do. I want you to have everything I never did.” Lilith smiles at me sadly.

  “We may not be sisters by blood, but we are sisters, and I hope that one day you can forgive me for my decision. I wanted him to hurt and couldn’t see past that to what it would do to you and your mom.”

  It’s hard talking about it, telling someone of my hell again, but I give in. “They’re broken, you know. They barely look at each other anymore. Leaving was a relief. But this, what happened, it wouldn’t have if you had just left us alone.” My words remain quiet because even though I had spewed my anger at King, that was out of fear, and I no longer carry that emotion as heavily as I did when they found me.

  “Careful,” King warns, and Lilith holds a hand up to him.

  Clearing her throat, I can see she needs a minute to gather her thoughts. I tighten my grip in hers, showing without words that it’s okay.

  “She’s right, King. I let my need for vengeance blind me to what I forced David to do and how it would affect their lives. This is my fault. Meadow being taken never should have happened.”

  “No,” I say because I don’t want her thinking that. “I don’t blame you, Lilith, not for this.” My emotions are a jumbled mess. I couldn’t explain if I tried.

  Her lips lift in a feigned smile full of regret before she tells me, “Carver is going to take you back to school. He’ll leave you the–“ A menacing sound comes from said man as his hold tightens in my hair.

  “I won’t leave her.” His words are cold, but I hear the underlying emotion. Barely discernable to most, but it’s there.

  “Carver.” King’s voice holds, yet, another warning.

  Carver

  Leave her? Are they fucking kidding? After what she just went through because I wasn’t there. They expect me to abandon Meadow again. “Not fucking happening, King. Not now. Not ever.”

  A smirk crosses King’s face quickly before he masks it again. “She isn’t for this life, Carver.”

  Ripples of rage wash over me as I stand, ready to take on the man who found me when I was nothing. For Meadow, I will fight. For Meadow, I will leave everything I’ve ever known.

  “Don’t do this, Carver,” he warns again.

  My fingers twitch to pull Mercy out. I crave the burn of each slice of her blade. The feeling of blood trickling down the handle. “She’s mine, King.”

  A soft touch has me turning to see a calm acceptance in swirling blue eyes. Meadow’s hand, small compared to my own, intertwines our fingers as she stands, pressing herself into my side. She stills the turbulence rushing through me as adrenaline spikes, and I have the urge to cause harm anywhere I can.

  “I need time, Carver. I need to get back to my life.” I can feel the sadness emanating from her as she forces the words out.

  “Not without me,” I bite out. I’m sure my grip on her fingers is bruising as I pull her closer.

  Her free hand runs up my chest, past the buttons on my vest, and as soon as her skin touches mine, flames burst through me. A fire settles deep in my blood, and I know I won’t change her mind. I get the sense this is about more than me. It’s about showing herself that she has the strength to move forward without my protection.

  Maybe she does.

  Maybe she doesn’t.

  I’m not sure I’m willing to find out. But, I think, for us to have a chance, I have to.

  Leaning forward, I drag her up to her tiptoes, a bruising grip on the back of her neck, and I lower my head to hers. Our lips touch in a momentary meeting. Any more and I won’t be able to let her go.

  “One month. I’ll grant you one month to figure your shit out, and I’m coming for you.” Her startled gaze meets mine as my words are murmured against her soft lips. “I’m coming for you, Meadow-mine, and there isn’t a thing in this fucking world that will stop me.”

  I don’t let her disagree as I take her mouth hard and fast, marking her as mine. Showing her without words or action that my promise will hold true.

  I’ll come for her, and when I do, it’s not going to be soft and sweet. She’ll have my anger-fueled lust driving her sweetness into blissful agony over and over again. I won’t stop until she readily agrees she’s mine. Until she begs me to be hers, too.

  Pushing away from her, I leave the war room. I have to, or I won’t be able to let her go.

  The dungeon is calling, and Thomas is waiting.

  It’s time he feels the full wrath of my beast.

  Dimitri

  Coma…

  Never come out of it…

  All because I let the fucking kid go in alone. I tried to fucking talk him out of it. Told him it was my job to go in. That he wasn’t fucking ready no matter how much training Luther and Atticus have been putting him through.

  Daniel isn’t ready for these kinds of fucking missions, not by a goddamned long shot, and today only proved it. And now, I might fucking lose him. He lost a kidney, more blood than his body can handle, and he may never wake up again.

  I’ve been a fucking asshole to him, pushing him away when I should have been pulling him closer. I should have accepted what we were before he went in distracted and worried.

  Thomas will get what’s coming to him now. He’s ours. His life is going to end in the worst way possible because he wanted to take one of us out before we got to him.

  My rage fuels me as I travel back to the estate. My rage pushes me further into the depths of hell as I imagine the ways I’ll avenge Daniel.

  My fury gathers as I think of the time I’ll lose with Daniel because of one blade.

  Daniel may belong to The Empire, but he’s all mine.

  4

  Carver

  For three weeks, I’ve stayed away. Sitting in the dungeon watching Thomas squirm under my scrutiny, trying to plead his way out of Dimitri’s anger over Daniel. I’ve yet to touch him, though. I haven’t let Mercy bleed him dry, yet, in the way I’ve craved for months on end.

  Meadow.

  She’s the reason I’ve leashed my urges. The reason I’ve brushed everyone off. Never in my life have I ever cared about what anyone has thought of me or what I do. But I can’t get the fear in her eyes out of my head.

  “You ever going to touch him?” Dimitri sits beside me now. Daniel had a bad night, and the man is hiding his worry and pain behind brute force.

  “You ever going to claim him?” I shoot back. He thinks I don’t know, that I don’t see the raw emotion he exhibits when thoughts or mention of Danny-boy surface. The others may be blind to his suffering, but I experienced it with my father’s partner, in the way he watched the man who spawned me.

  D looks away, exhaling a deep bre
ath as he comes to terms with what I’ve revealed. “How’d you know?”

  Scoffing, I bark out a deep laugh without amusement. “I’ve known from the first time you set eyes on the kid.”

  “Oh.” Yeah. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “Ain’t it always.”

  He laughs without mirth. “It’s like we’re missing something. We’ve never done anything. Hell, I think he’s confused about us.”

  “And you’re not?” My smirk doesn’t hide my humor.

  “Are we seriously doing this? A fucking heart to heart?” Dimitri shakes his head at the absurdity, and I’m with him. Of all places and people to have this talk, with me and in the dungeon aren’t likely the best choices.

  “You giving him up?”

  “Not a fucking chance.” No hesitance. “He just needs to wake the fuck up.”

  “You need a woman,” I tell him, thinking of the effect Meadow has had on me.

  “Carver!” We both look up as Atticus enters the room. “Viktor Vashchenko is here for you.”

  “From New Jersey?” He’s from one of the few organizations we have had no issue with. Standing, I spare Dimitri a glance and nod about keeping our conversation to myself. Not everyone will be as accepting of his situation as I am. It’s not our brothers I’m worried about, it’s the underlings who think differently that will be a problem.

  Entering the foyer behind Atticus, I see a tall brute of a fucking man standing with two guards on either side of him. Eyeing him critically from his nearly shaved head down his tailored Armani suit and expensive fucking loafers, I don’t say a word as he does the same to me.